How Forgiveness Has Helped Me Love Myself
I could argue that I spent the first 27 years of my life hating myself. I hated my body, I hated my big man eyebrows. I hated my tiny lips. I hated my muscular thighs. I hated my pouch that no matter how many crunches I did never went away. I hated my freckles. I hated my pale skin when I decided I wasn’t going to tan anymore. I hated my arms that at one point got so big I was too embarrassed to wear tank tops. I hated that I couldn’t seem to figure out what I wanted to do with my life after I graduated college. I hated that I never felt good enough. I hated that I never felt pretty enough. I looked in the mirror and saw a girl who was unworthy of everything.
The saddest part of all of that is that it wasn’t until I worked with a coach for the first time (right before my 28th birthday) that I realized how messed up my inner dialogue was. Here I was preaching about how my life mission is to help women realize how beautiful they are and I didn’t even believe that for myself.
So I started doing the work. I started picking parts of myself that I liked. I started giving myself affirmations, saying things like I am strong. I am brave for chasing after my dreams. I am a kind person who practices tolerance, even when it’s hard sometimes. And the more you tell yourself something the more you begin to believe it, and slowly but surely I started to believe myself.
Then I started challenging myself more, I started telling myself I was beautiful and I was worthy. And guess what, I slowly started to believe that too. But it wasn’t until I fully forgave myself for how hard I was on myself that I was able to truly let go and honor and treasure myself as the love and light that I am.
Forgiveness is hard. Forgiveness to yourself is even harder. How often do you hear people say things like, I am my own worst enemy. I would say more often than not we are hardest on ourselves. We don’t live up to the expectations that we set for ourselves and in turn that leads us to thinking that we are basically the worst person on the planet.
What if we forgave ourselves for these thoughts? What if we allowed ourselves to be flawed and imperfect and not let the expectations take hold of us? What if we said, “It’s ok. I forgive you.” What would that do? You need to forgive yourself for the terrible things you have said to yourself. You need to forgive yourself for anything wrong you have done in the past. You need to forgive yourself for letting society make you think you’re not good enough. You must forgive yourself if you ever want to move forward.
And if you’re not moving and growing and trying to be the best version of yourself every single day, what are you even doing? The best piece of advice I have for you when it comes to learning to love yourself- forgiveness. Because with forgiveness comes a spiritual awakening so great that you will realize you were actually amazing all along, and you are indeed capable of everything you ever wanted. When I look in the mirror these days, most days I see a women who is fiercely chasing after her dreams and not giving an f if I look stupid. I would so much rather live a life that I love, and know that not only am I loved by the people who matter most to me, I am loved by myself. I’m my biggest cheerleader and my worst critic but, at the end of the day I can go to sleep knowing that at my core, I am loved, and so are you.
Love, light, + lipstick,
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